This is mummy's very first entry for you.. After a long long wait.. But finally, mummy's 'nausea-free' time is long enough for me to sit in front of the laptop to pen down my thoughts and feelings for you..
18 weeks and 6 days... That's exactly how long you've been with me and these 18 weeks and 6 days have been fraught with so much ups and downs. Both physically and emotionally.
Well, get yourself ready and gear up for a long, long story... :)
~27th June 2009~
Daddy bought a pregnancy test kit for mummy cos mummy had been unwell for the past few weeks and more importantly, mummy's menses was a week late. But, the kit showed a negative result.
~2nd July 2009~
Mummy's menses was still late. So daddy bought mummy another test kit. We wanted to be sure cos mummy had to go for a medical check-up and we did not want to risk having darling go through the X-ray. And...ta dah! This time round, 2 blue lines finally showed up. =)
~7th July 2009~
Daddy and mummy went to see Dr Tan, the same gynae who delievered your sister... Theoretically speaking, darling should be about 6 weeks old already.. Our main concern now was, your viability. i.e. whether your heartbeat was present. Unfortunately, Dr Tan couldn't see your heartbeat. However, he explained that darling was probably only about 4 weeks plus then & that we would have to wait for another week to have another ultrasound done to check on your viability... To top it off, Dr Tan added that there's a cyst beneath the placenta. Though Dr Tan said that before 12 weeks, it is usually not an issue cos it was probably due to the hormones raging inside mummy's body. Even with his reassurance, mummy was still worried. Not so much for myself, but how it might affect darling's growth. That day, daddy and mummy went home with a heavy heart.... Worrying and worrying and worrying... Worrying that we might not be blessed with precious lil' you afterall..
~13th July 2009~
Mummy started spotting.. Day after day, the spotting increased.. Mummy and daddy were so worried that we were losing you...
~18th July 2009~
Time to go back for the scan. Thank goodness! Mummy saw your lil' heart beating away furiously! You have no idea how relieved daddy and mummy were... To see your lil' heart beating, that was a gift from heaven... And so, at 6.3 weeks old, darling had your very first picture taken... =)
~20th July 2009~
This marked the start of mummy's much dreaded morning-sickness... Or I should say, all-day-sickness... Sigh... Vomit, vomit, vomit... Retching, retching, retching... (Whoever promised that the 2nd pregnancy would be better huh?!)
~27th August 2009~
2nd photoshoot time! :) Daddy missed this one. What a waste! Cos mummy's precious lil' gem had grown so much since the last time we met! And whoa... was that you waving at mummy?? Haahaa... Indeed, darling was actually dancing away and waving at mummy!
~11th September 2009~
That fateful night, mummy received a letter from the hospital asking mummy to go back to the hospital ahead of our scheduled appointment to see Dr Tan. Bad news. Daddy and mummy knew this meant something must be wrong. We could not digest the news. When mummy went for the last scan, Dr Tan had given mummy the all-clear. Darling was perfectly fine. And now, what could it be that they found from the blood test that would prompt such a call back? Deep down, daddy and mummy knew what we were going to be told. Darling is not doing well. Yet... Mummy still prayed.. prayed that it was something to do with mummy. And just mummy alone. Let it be something about mummy's health but yet would not affect darling. Mummy couldn't sleep that night.. I silently prayed and prayed... Prayed that the bad news only referred to mummy.. Prayed that only I alone had to bear the consequences of whatever it was...
~14 September 2009~
Daddy and mummy went back to the hospital to see Dr Tan.. And our worst fears were confirmed. We were told that darling might not be doing very well.. Yet, that was just a risk estimate, not definite. And so, daddy and mummy were given 2 weeks to decide whether we want to go for further testing.. Before we left the clinic, daddy and mummy's precious lil' gem again waved at us and danced around.. It was as though darling knew we were worried and was trying to say " Look, daddy mummy! I'm fine, don't worry. See how I can flip myself upside down!"... That sight was more than mummy could bear.. How can such an active lil' gem be unhealthy? How can I stand losing you, who is already so alive and happily swimming within me? I simply couldn't believe it...
~28th September 2009~
We decided to go for the test. Though it was invasive, daddy and mummy needed to know. When mummy was lying on the bed, I was overwhelmed with very bad thoughts. It was supposed to be only a test... Yet, to mummy, it felt as though darling and mummy would be separated after that.. That very moment, mummy knew very well that mummy wouldn't be able to go through the process of losing you... It was far too much to bear. Dr Tan probably saw mummy's anxiety.. So he told mummy to close my eyes during the procedure. But daddy witnessed it all.. The needle going in.. and seemingly within reach of darling.. As usual, our precious lil' gem was actively swimming at that time & daddy said you looked as though you might reach out for the needle that invaded your 'room'! It was probably a wise decision to close my eyes, or mummy would have freaked out at that sight of darling playing with the needle! Mummy opened my eyes only when it was over.. It was a beautiful sight that greeted me... Mummy's precious lil' gem waving at mummy from the screen... However hard I tried to control my tears, they just rolled off my cheeks... Dr Tan thought mummy was in pain where the needle went through. Indeed I was... But it wasn't where he poked. It was in my heart...
~7th October 2009~
After a painful week long wait, mummy could finally see the silver lining that I'd been waiting for.. Though not quite the way mummy had expected it to arrive... When mummy went for the test, we were told that if it's bad news, they will call to inform mummy personally. But if its good news, then they will simply post out the result by snail mail... So when mummy's handphone rang and registered the number 6326... Mummy's heart dropped. Cos I recognised that as the hospital's number.. Reluctantly, mummy answered the call... Heart sinking deeper and deeper by the second... So when the nurse told mummy the good news, mummy could barely register it! Mummy had to ask her to repeat.. And she explained that Dr Tan had asked her to call mummy so that mummy and daddy could set our mind at ease even before the letter arrives. :)
It was also then that she let on the news that mummy and daddy has another lil' princess on the way!! =)Mummy was so on top of the world that day! So much that I wish I could hug you in my arms right away..
That afternoon, mummy happened to be in town for a meeting and so mummy grabbed the chance to go shopping for a gift for lil' darling.. And when mummy saw, Twiggy... I just knew I had to buy that for you. =) So here you are darling Rui Xuan... Here's mummy's very 1st gift for you.. For being such a brave and strong lil' gal.. Hope you like it! (Cos your sister certainly does!;))
And yes, daddy and mummy had long decided on your name for you... Our precious lil' gem, Rui4 Xuan2... =)
Only 149 days more till we meet!:)
Love,
Mummy
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